Just WHY?

Okay so why am I typing this now, in the middle of the nite? Cuz I need to get this thing off my chest.  SO here's the thing, my dad came back and I told him I got into Matirx in Perak and he was like 'Whoaa Perak? Matrix? Is it doctor?', 'Yep'. 'So you're going to take it rite if you didnt get fashion?', 'err, but I want fashion' *silence*. Then he said 'Amek doctor laa kaya nanti' and in my head what? so this is about being rich even if I'm dead scared to death to even look at the needle? like seriously doesnt my feelings even count? like if I become a doctor yeah I'll be successful and rich but I CANT EVEN TOUCH THE NEEDLE OR EVEN LOOK AT IT CUZ I'LL GET SHAKEY AND MY WHOLE BODY FEELS ALL WEAK AND THAT DOESNT FREAKIN' COUNT REALLY?! *sigh. you know, god gives us all one life but numerous choices, so you've chose that and thats what you really want to do rite? like that's your dream job kan? like mine is being a top known fashion designer so what if I've blew up the interview, so yeah I dont know any Malaysian top designer and I cant answer any of the question but I still love it. you know I wont give up so easily ayte? If it came to I'm giving up, my whole life is pretty torn up, I'll kill myself. Heh I rather be average and do what I love then being a snob and do what I hate doing. There's a quote saying in fact everyone says 'Do what you love, believe yourself and follow your dream and it'll come true', I'm trying to do that but if you kept on changing my route I'll live a life that I hate and every morning I'll say "I hate my job".